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From Victim to Invincible, My Journey to the Light.

Written by Anastacia Mongelluzzo

 

The challenges of my life have activated my greatest gifts and allowed me to be the steward of Invincible The Art of Transformation.


Hind sight is 20/20". These are the common words on the tips of our tongues when we look back in revelation to our past situations. These situations intoxicate us, like a fly to the light. Then they baffle us, as the distortions of our ego are brought to their knees. Our journey beckons us to develop the skill of understanding our experiences. Only then can we live our lives with grace, ease, and love. 20/20 vision insinuates the clarity that we may receive in the TIME that passes after an event. An event that creates enough contrast to upheave our lives, or at the very least get our attention. But does time really heal all wounds? Are we able to recognize and reconcile the lessons of these events? If so, then how?

Inside of our collective and tribal systems there are survival templates of the wounds created generation after generation. These templates are passed down with every conception. These are codexes that enslave our collective, leaving them powerless and afraid. I have seen where people may think and feel that they have "moved on" or "got over" these events, but haven't truly healed or reconciled their wounds. In fact, I used to see daily evidence of this in my healing practice. The ingeniously stored trauma would be found inside of their energy fields and physical bodies, its relentless nagging of physical, emotional, or mental pain looking to be tended to. As a healer, it has truly been my honor to help those in need of this reconciliation. As I saw them, I saw myself and the wounds inside of me that I cleverly pushed down deep. These wounds were intricately wound in my energy template creating someone who was a survivor of the war she barely remembered. And in doing so didn't realize she could barely breathe much less really live. It is my greatest fortune to have seen myself in others and allow it to be the call to heal myself. It has kept me asking why and how, so I could see what was my journey and my purpose is in all of this.

I loved my family. Each and every one of my 3 siblings my mother and my father. Like all other people in my earliest years of life, I activated who I was by relating to my family and the world around me. I was strong and fearless, animated and funny, loving and compassionate. I had one immense survival trigger- bullies. My Father, deep down was a really nice guy who loved talking with and being with people. Although, his unfortunate childhood left him powerless and abusive. He became a drinker to cope with his demons. My Mother was being abused by him and at the same time was also emotionally, and physically abusive to me and my siblings. I would find myself always standing up for whoever was the underdog in any particular fight. These fights became so regular that I felt like it was a sport I was getting good at.

In those early years, to adapt, I fell in love who I was and the role I was playing. I felt significant in my role in my family, a strong advocate for those who needed courage to endure. A savior. I had my routes of escape in nature, with animals, and going into trance like states where I would have a quiet knowing that would fill me with peace. What I didn't know was that this reality I was living was very "dysfunctional" and that it wasn't other peoples experience. Over time the love I felt for my parents waned as my mind developed, asking why these people didn't know what they were doing was wrong? Each of their wounded egos trumped importance over my little heart more and more. This manipulation influenced me to not love who I was anymore. I was constantly being asked to compromise myself and who I was to get love from them. Eventually, they won.

The year I turned 13 it was all over for me. The strong willed rebellious child was defeated. The glimmer of my soul's memory gone. No more other worldly whispers in the quiet telling me it would be alright. My ability to recluse in nature impotent. I lost certain parts of me that knew my experience was not ok, and the rebel became silent. Too tired to fight anymore. The thoughts going through my mind were mostly that I just couldn't wait til "this" was all over.

Over the next several years of living the reality of emotional and physical abuse inside of a tremendously dysfunctional home, I watched others. I saw that they were cared for, loved, tended to, and appreciated by their families. I was becoming more convinced that there was something wrong with me. I am unlovable, and I am definitely not good enough. I don't deserve the things that other people welcome so easily. My most formidable years tainted, distorted, and damaged. I felt so victimized by my experience.

It is strange for me now to think of how powerful this influence was on me. How I adapted to survive while accepting the beliefs that were force fed to me. How such a potentially beautiful family took no advantage of the possibility that these afflictions could be transformed. To me it was such a waste.

By the time I was 19 the influence of these beliefs and behaviors had unfortunately molded me into a young woman whose predominant emotions were shame and embarrassment. Everything I did was unseen, unappreciated, and manipulated to be comedy at my expense. I was a doormat and scapegoat, my relationships riddled with expectations and conditions.

One summer night I had yet another routine and venomous fight with my mother. I remember afterwards sobbing uncontrollably in my bed. My crying was so loud that my mother walked into my room. She was surprised and had no idea why i was so upset. Her ignorance and total lack of emotional intelligence made the tears come harder. I remember saying that this was torture, and if this experience is all that there is for me, then I want to leave this place. I AM NOT INTERESTED! I saw my mother's face, shocked at my statement. Was she really concerned that my heart was broken? That my threat meant I would kill myself? Or was it that she would lose her partner in the drama that seemed to fill her with energy and connection. I was confused, is this really what love is?

After this particular storm I had a strong desire to understand my situation and if there was any way that I could change it. There had to be a different way to change how I felt other than ending it! This desire was so profound that the whispers of my soul finally came in again (although very quiet) they were coming through. The next thing I remember was finding a self help book by Ivanla Vansant (of which I don't remember the name). One of the chapters referred to our experiences being like the levels of a house. I remember resonating with the basement level. Dark corners that I was afraid of, coldness of being underground, cobwebs and old shit in boxes stored to be dealt with later by someone else. I suddenly saw that all I had to do was move to a different level and live there instead! Ok.... how do I do that ?

The warrior I loved and had helped me survive all of those years showed her new strategy........very simply here is how I would do it.

1. I will Turn on the lights.

2. Have the courage to See what I am dealing with.

3. Find the ways to clean that shit up!

And that is exactly what I did. Over the next 20 years I would learn to do this with grounded grace and elegant mastery. My souls voice stronger and stronger. With every new challenge my gifts would be recalibrated to be used in a more and more powerful way. Every passing year evolving to another level, with more skill, courage, compassion, forgiveness, and love.

Through my experience I birthed my healing practice, over the years evolving with me,( or me with it). Today is now called Invincible- The Art of Transformation.

I have used the skills I developed learning and practicing the healing arts. Art forms such as hands on healing, Energy work, Eastern and Shamanic healing practices, Color therapy, Archetype identification, Quantum healing, Fire walking and Coaching.

It certainly wasn't, and isn't always easy. But this journey is mine and mine alone. I have no regrets, and I would walk it a thousand times knowing it's treasure inside of me. It is my Soul Codex that I am here to share with the world. My greatest companion and gift. My gift to empower other people to identify their journey, an honored companion to their walk. A Guide for understanding that all "shadows" can be alchemized into light.

The light allows ALL to live lives that are beautiful, empowered, happy, gracious, and fulfilled. Especially those like me. Those who thought that happiness, love, and fulfillment weren't for them because someone lied. Someone manipulated. Someone was jealous of their light and snuffed it out. I am here to help you remember that you ARE your Light and the greatest illusion is that it could be extinguished. It is never gone. NOT EVAAARRRR!

For so many years I would protect myself with armoring. Holding my breath until the threat was over. Tolerating living the lie of being powerless and alone. Over these years I realized that I am an artist above all else. A force of nature with a creative desire to share myself with the world.

My wounded self would (and sometimes still does) shutter at the thought it this. It says things like "how could I share myself with a world? It will hurt me and will judge me, it isn't safe. And I beautifully and lovingly remind myself of the truth. The truth that I can do it by learning the art of transformation and integrated its law. Excavating myself of all distortions until there was nothing left to have hold of me. Knowing that when, and if I am triggered that I have the power to alchemize it in an instant if I choose to, and that I am co creating with my soul and I am willing to live out my destiny.

As I evolve I am able to allow more light into my field. I am more of who I really am than what I was trained to be. I realize that what other people do is about them, and not me. I choose to do the best that I can with where I am without judgment.

I am love and power.

I am humility and confidence.

I am courageous and vulnerable.

I am Invincible.

Here is to our journeys and our light. Turn it on and then turn it up!


love,

Anastacia


P.S. if you are searching for guidance, and if you feel resonance with me, feel free to find your path with a discovery call here.



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